_ Kids are doing the best they can with the brain they have. Brain research can help parents understand what’s happening in their brain, leading to more effective interactions.  
 
Over millions of years of evolution, the human brain has developed a “negativity bias.” It acts like Velcro for negative experiences and Teflon for positive ones. That means that looking for what’s wrong, worrying about dangers, and being anxious about threats comes naturally. It helped humans survive saber-tooth tiger threats, but now gets in the way of happiness. Realizing the negative trance that’s affecting us, we can learn to level the playing field by tilting toward the positive experiences and facts.  
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Parents can help de-escalate powerful emotions and help children recover from trauma.  Here’s an example: 

As I was biking down Vail Pass in Colorado (14 miles downhill), I downshifted to cross the bridge over a creek and negotiate a turn.  Suddenly I heard a piercing scream.  At the curve, a girl had flipped off her bike.  I stopped to try to help.  Her mother soon arrived at the scene.  Calmly she examined the wound.  “Honey”, she said, “it’s road rash.”  Instantly the screaming stopped as her brain shifted gears (from amygdala to neocortex) and processed the concept.

When you put their feelings into words, it put the brakes on upsetting emotions.

If, when a child is upset, the adult reacts by also being upset, it escalates the distress.  Dr. Bruce Perry advises:  “To calm a frightened child, you must first calm yourself.”  Emotions are contagious. 

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© 2011 Louise Hart, Ed.D.