We live in stressful times. Fortunately, we can choose how to respond to tough situations. We have learned that "fight" and "flight" are the basic reactions to stress. Yet studies have found that women have other ways to deal with stress:  they "tend and befriend." Women first tend to the children to be sure they are okay, then they reach out to their friends. Talking things over can release stress, introduce different perspectives, and build connections. Caring for children and engaging friends also improves emotional well-being.

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Early in December we celebrated my birthday, then had a Chanukkah celebration with my son’s family.  Next week we’ll celebrate the Solstice at my home, and then Christmas with my daughter’s family.  So many traditions and so many ways to celebrate them.  It can be fun and exciting—and it can also be overwhelming!  Here is a short activity from The Winning Family to help you manage the numerous things you need to do during this holiday season:
  1. Make a list of five things you have to do, starting each sentence with “I must…,” “I have to…,” “I ought to…,”  or “I should....” 
  2. Now, re-write that list starting each sentence with “I choose to…” and adding the same endings. 
Tune in to your feelings….  Were you resentful when you wrote the first list? Stressed? After writing the second, do you feel lighter?  Empowered?  Which list are you more likely to get done? The first is your "External Locus of Control" list; the second is your "Internal Locus of Control" list.  Locus of Control is about who is in the driver's seat of your life.

When you next hear you “shoulding” on yourself, stop and ask yourself what you choose to do.  Notice the difference.

From "Who's Pulling Your Strings?" Chapter 21 of The Winning Family, by Louise Hart.
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© 2011 Louise Hart, Ed.D.