Thanks to Amy Chua’s controversial new book, parenting is now in the national spotlight. Her experiences illustrate that patterns tend to repeat from one generation to the next. I also had a harsh and severe upbringing. Unlike Chua, however, I vowed that I would never treat my children the way that I had been treated, and repaired the negative family patterns.
 
The consequences of negative parenting extend beyond adolescence and adulthood, even into future generations, along with fear, shame, guilt, low self-esteem, and isolation.  Asian-American women between 15 and 24 years of age have the highest suicide rate of women of any race or ethnic group. (Department of Health and Human Services)  Researchers conclude that a large factor is family pressure—to get only As’, or for girls “to be the perfect mother and daughter and wife as well." (CNN, Elizabeth Cohen)
 
There is a powerful relationship between the emotional experiences of children, and the physical and mental health of adults. “Threats, manipulation and excoriation set the stage for children who grow up to be depressed, anxious and hollow.” (Dr. Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids)
 
In order to raise healthy youngsters we must shift from a fear-based parenting style to a nurturing, love-based style.  Communication skills are necessary for meeting children’s emotional needs and developing positive connections. Positive emotional connections and experiences are the basis of enduring physical and mental health.  
 
Positive parenting gives us an opportunity to reinvent families.  According to Invest in Kids/Canada, the keys to positive parenting are Comfort, Teach and Play™.  Positive parents who use the democratic leadership style forge a solid foundation for lifelong respectful, loving relationships. The nurturing, uplifting, “positive parenting” approach based on dignity and respect, accountability and positive discipline, is crucial to creating healthy adults and a healthy society.
 
 Childhood lasts only a few years, but the experience lasts a lifetime. Parents more than anyone else have the power and responsibility to shape children’s lives and help them thrive.
 
 
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© 2011 Louise Hart, Ed.D.