Parents can help de-escalate powerful emotions and help children recover from trauma.  Here’s an example: 

As I was biking down Vail Pass in Colorado (14 miles downhill), I downshifted to cross the bridge over a creek and negotiate a turn.  Suddenly I heard a piercing scream.  At the curve, a girl had flipped off her bike.  I stopped to try to help.  Her mother soon arrived at the scene.  Calmly she examined the wound.  “Honey”, she said, “it’s road rash.”  Instantly the screaming stopped as her brain shifted gears (from amygdala to neocortex) and processed the concept.

When you put their feelings into words, it put the brakes on upsetting emotions.

If, when a child is upset, the adult reacts by also being upset, it escalates the distress.  Dr. Bruce Perry advises:  “To calm a frightened child, you must first calm yourself.”  Emotions are contagious. 

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© 2011 Louise Hart, Ed.D.